Couldn't Get A Head (lostcosmonaut) wrote,
Couldn't Get A Head

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being nice is easy

(this will probably end up being my longest Internet diary entry O.A.T., as ah will attempt 2 do all of my so-called frenz, or @ least all th ones w/ whom ah've exchanged communicationz.) (Not in any particular order.) Anyhow, some imaginary Internet people decided that Monday was Being Internet Nice Day, and ah ended up talking a whole lot of shit that day, and yesterday, and so now ah'm gonna pay th price, which is no price, since being nice am its own reward, ain't thet right, dog.

Being good @ being nice am much easier than being good @ being nasty, anyhow, and it's too bad not more people have taken advantage of this. Say something nice, for instance. I like you. It's simple, and v. unoriginal, but look how good it works. In contrast: I hang out w/ a lot of people who am virtuosos of verbal attacks. "Fuck you, I hate you guts" am jest not good enough--it doesn't hurt ; you'd be considered weak if you said that. Ah reckon thet's why folks get RECOGNIZED for being flame artists, and never for leaving comments of niceness.

Th possibility that th more complicated a compliment or sign of affection is, th more diluted it is? That I like you, I love you, I miss you, You am my best friend are so strong because of their simplicity?

Why, when a person's upset, we offer a hug instead of a multi-part secret handshake.

"Hey, I know you! You're that d00d that writes ... all those ... kind, heartfelt testimonials ... on!"

LATE4WORK still gotta clean myself 2B CONTINUED ...

+ + +

We have a motherfucking staff mtg this a.m.--I MEAN A NICE STAFF MTG zo ah might zend zome txt msgs 2 zome nice folks. I got 2 minutes 2 BIND my first victim. Not victim, but famous fren. Here, ah'll close my eyes and point @ th piece of paper. Ah. It's zomeone in th Philippines.

Marco (Lj duruttiboy)'s passion 4 music am contagious. Every time I have talked 2 him, it zeem as if he am on a special ecstasy that tentacles out and makes me like music, even though I hate music. He's good peoples, nice guy.

+ + +

Back @ my desk, I hope th peoples enjoyed th txtingz. Boy, th people what writ me back shore am NICE. And th people what ain't writ me back? ALZO NIZE.

Another spin-th-bottle. Hmm hmm. Ryan (Lj enterthesparrow) have cracked me up many a time w/ him loving flamings on fuckyoucrew. Def top 10 material over there, in hilarity, wit, imagination. Make th workday go faster. He drew a sweet picture of th family, too, which kin be found HERE, DOGZ.

Oh, yeah: Lj betchka did th being-nice thing first, but this am not her paragraph. RESPECT.

+ + +

Not only that, but I commit 2 being nice all th time until this project's over. Perhaps beyond?

Quark Muhlach (Lj intrigero) I've knowed since he was a smiley 15-year-old who adored Pavement and Weezer. Wait, did I already say this? Anyhow, he's a funny bro, and a good writer, and has directed 2 feature films @ th age of ... how old are you now, aso? 25? A bunch of friends and ah watched Quark's second movie, Keka, on DVD @ th last Thursday Movie Night. It nearly made one of us cry. Dog's a romantic, a smart-alec w/ a good heart, and he drove me 2 th hospital when I fell on my head, but thet am another story.

+ + +

You know what Julie (Lj fisticuffs) done? She made a el jay filter what ONLY EYE kin read! It zeem as if it am designed 2 cheer me up ('cos it feature nothing but things who hug other things), even though ah were never cheered down! THET am a ESPECIALLY NICE lady. Her polls are famous, and zo am her rockingnezz. Long live th 'Chunk, and here's to not shutting up! (If U kin read thet mean YOU IS ME.)

Wendall (Lj lexical_closure) got mad programming skills and am a all-around smarty, but I like him mostly because I like him. He's got a nerdy brand of comedy all his own, loves being gay and married (and a father to 2 whip-smart smarties), and am a integral member of 33_overs, th least hostile and most conversational of all th rating comms. Creator of th mighty Overs Generator, this d00d gets loved. Alzo jest zent me a txt mzg via my uzerinfo page:

  • 02-Feb-05 12:39 pm
    /lexical_closure/ I like you, fag.

This will also be a good test of whose RL names I know.

+ + +

Stacey (Lj disorganization)'s new hobby is always saying how much I hate her, but how could anyone hate her? She rock out to Gogol Bordello and Hot Snakes, she articulate + smart, she give out th milkshake 4 FREE (not like that), and she know how to nerd (in th good way). She always am sharing, whether it be beershakes or photographs or Katakuris. Gets happy on 2 beers, saves mshrm'd colleagues from isolated oblivion. Sweet.

Nearly time 4 me 2 leave work, and I've done 6 of these things. GREAT, THANKZ.

+ + +

Lj genericus am metal 2 th core (not 2B confused w/ metalcore, which am gay NOT THAT GAYS ARE BAD) a.k.a. th good kind of white. WAIT NO I love white people IT'S BAD 2 GENERALIZE ON RACE. Anyhow d00d loves th rock I do: Boris, Harvey Milk, etc.--th good shit. More important, d00d stood up 4 me when I stood up 4 a band that's a little more vulnerable 2 criticism: Tool. This ain't about music/taste. It's about owning up 2 what U actually like, and being honest when you suspect you might get tore down 4 it. Trivial example, important concept. ALSO: nice hair.

Meg (Lj hydrozoa) sent me comix and candy in th snail mail.

Lj atomicclock comes as close to telling th truth as any of us ever do, regarding what time it is.

Sarah (Lj zeppo) writes good and is so popular on el jay that there is no way she will ever, ever read this sentence.

It's this dogger's time 2 run back home. Probably more 2night!!!!!!

+ + +

3 FEBRUARY 2005 THURSDAY 3:49 a.m.
I talked to Gordon (Lj gordanus) tonight. He is my roommate. I miss him. I accidentally left th outside light on this whole time. It am a good thing he'm coming home later today. It zeem like he been gone for a month, but it's probably been only a week. We're both secretly shy, jest not as shy as we used 2B. I trust Gordon. Being formerly deadly shy is like being an immigrant; you gravitate toward people who know yr language and speak in yr accent. When you read this: welcome home, Gordon!

In flame mode, I once suggested to Lj lushvalentines that he did not deserve to have eyes or ears. Months later, we became Internet frenz. I do not know why such things happen, but am glad they do. It shore would be weird if all flame recipients were as good-natured about it as this d00d. Lj lushvalentines, you DO deserve to have eyes and ears!

Alexia (Lj alexgal) is th only person to whom I have ever sent a photo of my belly, on th Internet. It is funny how I do things I don't normally do, for girls like her, jest because they ask. She's gonna be some kind of academic famous-brain.

I've probably said more nice things on th Internet about Jessica (Lj henrymllrmornin) than I have about any other individual, and most of those occurred on th same God-fearin' day CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK! Would love 2 meet this lady and get all dook dook D00K and

Jessikaraoke IT'LL HAPPEN.

J. (Lj blackkeybash) am def one of th top 5 reads on all of el jay. I can tell he would be a really good RL friend, too, because he fucking cares about me and my carpal tunnel problemz, several continents away, and ah'm practically a stranger. He updates infrequently, using voice recognition software. If you don't check out him journ, you ... are still a nice person ... ah'm jest sayin'. Dog is a bit of an enigma, but a real likeable one.

Simon (Lj superfuture)'z one of my few RL frenz what give th impression of having 100% of his shit together. This ain't a dis on my other frenz, some of whom have their shit @ least 90% together. Worldly, world-travelin', well-educated, well-spoken, friendly bro w/ a good job that hasn't turned him into a robot version of himzelf. A lot of him frenz is jet-settin', too. How do he do it? Am it because he'm Chinese? Korean, whatever. D00d's back in town from th United Arab Emirates, and he better hang out w/ me zoon.

Ah reckon we'll also find out how much text kin fit in one entry.

+ + +

Lj bluepaperhearts is a big fan of Th Mikester. Also a v. good sport about th flamery. A+++.

Kim (Lj frootijen) received th worst flames I have ever seen. She's a tuffy. Her shapely bottom, in no uncertain terms, rules.

Sascha (Lj spaceoctopus) knows most of my weaknesses, but is nice 2 me anyhow. Th only person I know who loves Love & Rockets Human Resources more than I do, and a talented cartoonist in her own right. My social conscience in human being form. Jedi mind tricks do not work on her. Disappeared off th face of th earth, and th face of th earth is pretty sad about it.

Lj journalwk lets me takes showers w/ him.

Cara (Lj mrmani) kicks my ass @ Scrabble, INTRO'D ME 2 TH MSHRMZ, and is my favourite photographer.

Lj mr_lunch is Mr. Metal, and also a responsible adult whose house looks like a cartoon.

Lauren (Lj westbaymonument) has been nothing but nice2me since th moment I met her. Drives like Jehu, shares everything she has. I love her drawings.

Judy (Lj wingedsandals) am a honourary Filipino, cheerz me w/ jest-saying-hello A.I.M. messages, wants me 2 do less drukqs--but in a endearing, not overbearing way.

Wendy (Lj wring) used 2 like me, and den hated me 4 a long time (which is not necessarily a bad thing), and now appears 2 like me agin. It's th ending that counts, anyhow. Used 2 make really good zines. I'm glad 2 have her around on th el jay.

Vida (Lj slutbag) am my Internet BFF (now abbreviated to BIF). It started out as a joke, but now it's actually true. I have shared more information w/ her about my brutally comical love life than I have w/ any other imaginary Internet person. She know more about this topic than most RL people, too. AND has been v. patient about th whole deal. Even if she am yawning on th other zide of th A.I.M., she never act like it. We forged a bond over flaming th douchetrucks in theflickyoucrew. (Is it DIZTURBING that thiz now am zeemingly my main way of making frenz?) Makes me laugh, makes a lot of sense, is hot. Even after RL-hugging her, I do not know 4 shore whether she'm black or white.

Ty (Lj tentbox) is a weird little bugger, obviously gay in th good way.

Richard (Lj m_i_g_h_t) was th perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect roommate. Th sincerely nicest d00d ah've ever known. Probably even nicer than my mum, who'z a suburban Filipino Mother Teresa. Woke him up once in th middle of th night w/ my right hand red w/ my own blood, and sucking tears back into my eyeballs, and it didn't faze him. "Can you tell me what happened." Ah were obviously feeding on drama, and he brought it back to D00dville. What a d00d.

Brian (Lj sonofruxpin) has him shit 100% together. AND is Chinese. Half-Japanese, whatever. A great conversationalist. Lives in Japan, making approx. 100x as much money as I do, still a bro. Do ah miss him? Shore do.

Larry (Lj larrondo) writes th pants offa jest about anyone:

--if you need proof.

Lior (Lj roodle) goes surfboarding in sub-freezing temperatures in Rochester, NY. Ivy Muhlach called him a "kinder, gentler version" of our pal (and Lior's bruddah) Eran (Lj wedrinkbitter), and thet ain't really capture it, but it says a lot. He's a doctor, and totallyawezome. Marriage material.

Lj gratified ain't afraid of Lj kthor or Lj wedrinkbitter. RESPECT.

+ + +

Friday, 8:49 a.m.
Courtney (Lj girl_obscured) fronts all dominatrix-like, but ah bet she would be nice 2 me if ah ever were in trouble and craving some niceness--which ah almost never am, but theoretically, yuh knowed. She have--am it all right 2 say this?--she have v. nice breasts. She crack me up, I like 2 talk 2 her on th A.I.M.

Jared (Lj enderwaves) ztill have a picture of me and him as him default uzerpic. I'z v. honoured by thiz. We look like twins. I think we took a lot of drukqs @ a party together, and hugged.

Svenja (Lj fairfanciulla) am a champion adventurer, and th best crash-car-derby driver in th world. She taught me how 2 open a beer bottle using a ordinary cigarette lighter. It make a zound POP! when you do it right (which I never done).

Alexis (Lj _fiction_) know way more about movies than I do and gets Extra Credit for being both Filipino AND Canadian. That's like being a singer AND a songwriter. Ah've no idea what ah'z writing, anymore.

Ally (Lj _neusmell) got th boomin' system AND all kinds of smarts. Knows everything about music; made me one of th top 3 mixes ah've ever gotten. Is v. thoughtful, has a serious Filipino fetish (which is very racist and nice), is unfazed by th vulgarity of my most vulgar friend (Lj wedrinkbitter). Outsmarts th elders in a variety of ways, including stealing their most expensive Dogfish Head beer from a secret cooler while no one is looking. This party trick is called "listening to th hidden bonus track" and can be performed only by th most slammin' individuals.

Allison (Lj allisondacia) took care of my spectacles while ah were tripping my balls off. ARE YOU SURE THEY'RE NOT BROKEN LOOK @ THEM THEY'RE BROKEN AND TWISTED. No, Mario, they're not broken, give them to me. I'll give them back to you when you come back from Uranus. Trustworthy and sweet, will stay 'til th very end of th party. I finally understand Gwen Stefani.

Zach (Lj dog_latin) am a prodigy. I imagine when he listen 2 music there am no disconnect between his gut and his brain and his heart. Real naturally likeable d00d, which cannot be said for very many @ his level of music nerdizm.

Jane (Lj donuty) was always smiling or laughing, th one time I met her, which was a delight. It am not intentional, but my default face am frowning I'M WORKIN' ON IT. We sat in a ice cave made out of foam and fabric and it looked like
Ice is soft.
this except my camphone suck and it was really blue in colour. I like when people appreciate th quiet and th unclenching, like Jane do. It were v. easy on th eyes in there.

Drew (Lj conformity) am paradoxically th metallest man on th planet and th (good way) gayest. Ah jest wannida hump him so bad, but den ah remembered thet jest because zomeone am attractive doesn't mean you have to hump 'im. You kin jest appreciate 'im. D00d, this guy has introduced me 2 so much happinezz, through his Internet style and his stories and (of course) his metal and his expansive worldview. He trots th globe from a basement in Minnesota.

Bettina (Lj girl_on_the_go) used to make tons of picture posts, back when she was th notorious Lj marlysmullen. She still does, sometimes, and they put a smile on my soul, and she is still th undisputed champion of it. She's entirely responsible for my unending fascination w/
Thank U, Bettina!
curzor hoveringz.

Ingrid (Lj bisonbison) designs beautiful things and writes verrrrrry hot erotica. I stroke 2 fantasies of her doing it every which way w/ her lesbian partner-in-crime Bettina.

Nick (Lj bellmer), my erstwhile arch-nemesis, still speaks 2 me. Incredible. Get loved.

Safa (Lj bebopmonkey) overflows w/ style and charm. Is not 2 str8 2 make out w/ Lj wedrinkbitter.

Lj gutbloom (journalist formerly known as Lj mrmustard) iz widely recognized as th Mayor of el jay, but I don't recall an election, so he must have been appointed by God (Lj bradfitz). And God saw that it was good. Busts guts far and wide, w/ astonishingly, refreshingly minimal use of coarseness.

Galit (Lj gweet) am a witty and loveable femme fatale who know how to shoot a rifle and goes around th world living and loving and mebbe one day will stop in Virginia and eat Burmese food w/ me, I hope.

Gordon (Lj gordonzola) have a punk rock resumé what would make Aaron Cometbus fall off his bike. Makes th world a better place through actually giving a shit, and through gourmet cheese.

Eileen (Lj spff)'s syntactical twistings bemused and charmed me from Day 1 of so-called meeting her (that historical moment sadly lost in th deletedness of thefuckyoucrew). Seriously: "sunlight, through chlorophyll, over god's only son, through light"? I love it, in a measure equal to how much it confuse me. Yeah, yeah, I had a crush on Eileen long B4 I found out she were th prettiest girl in probably th entire galaxy. She is also: one of th 9 Samurai of el jay.

My beautiful relationship w/ James (Lj thebestweapon) began when he openly mocked Idlewild. Ah'm so happy thet he now admit that they are TH WORLD'S GREATEST ROCK BAND. It has nothing to do w/ thet ah threatened to ban him from th community; he jest changed his mind all on his own.

Evan (Lj theenlightened) am always there 4 me during th loneliest hours on A.I.M.: 4 to 6 in th a.m. A true life-saver. Hooks me up w/ FREE movies and music, flame-bombs like a kid let loose in a candy store, after-hours. A Dirty Southern gentleman.

Lj rooster_havoc, an American original, ROCKS th hardest of anyone.

Dennis (Lj twitchywrote) went from flame-baked, soul-searching man-in-exile to King of All Cosmos. What exactly is it w/ these people who get flamed, and den get loved? Why don't we jest skip th flaming part? I DON'T KNOW. It all turned out nice, anyhow.

Sirianand (Lj spoonfeeding) deserves a fan club for miles, which is great, 'cos that's what she has.

Roy (Lj royhuggins) turns European vacations into a delightful game of overs.

Ben (Lj sadotter) once made me relax my batty, when I was spazzing on Starbucks gift certificates.

Carmen (Lj pinkfrost) has writ New Wave songs what have thawed my cold heart.

Sara (Lj schwarzes_herz) deeply comprehends both th gay and th metal (as well as combinations thereof), and am a excellent houseguest.

Lj thalionel probably added me because I have roddy woomble on my so-called interests list?

Jessica (Lj the_living_end) displays grace under pressure similar to that of a juggler of flaming hoops. Her 3-year-old son admires me because I eat worms.

Mike (Lj space_mike) claimed he always wanted 2B in a 3-way w/ me and Ivy Muhlach. Flattering! And courageous!

Anna (Lj luuuvuuul), strong black lady, tolerates my racism, but no one else's.

Jenifer (Lj jourdannex) wrote about love.

Carmel (Lj ingrained) makes sweet-looking comix that I'm dying 2 read. Will U tranzlate th Hebrew parts 4 me.

Eric (Lj cosmicserpent) rocks Regular Guy style, jest like me! Zomething tell me he'd make a excellent drinking partner. He is also: 1 of th 9 Samurai of el jay.

+ + +

4:49 a.m., Saturday

10:33 a.m.
Actual party conversation last night:

"Wait so you'm on I am too!?"
"Yeah. My name is ______________."
"All one word?"
"No, two words."
"Great! I will look 4U tomorrow! Will you add me back?"
"Add? All I have to do is accept."
"Do I have 2 write U a testimonial or whatever it is called 4U2 accept me."
"Comment. They call it comments. And no, because we already met. But you can write a novel about me on there, if you want. I love being written about."
"Oh. OK GREAT, THANKZ. Oh, my name is not my name."
"What is it?"

This is gay, and conversation is dead. What ever happened 2 jest making frenz th normal way?

5:33 p.m.
Andrew (Lj alionunderaw) made and sent me a v. good comp of Asian and African and reggae music, and it also had th Clientele on there. Eran said th Clientele sound like people who have fucked too much and are now all fucked out. It's pretty sweet.

Lj chocolatebark is in theskimyoucrew w/ me, and I think we have similar taste in Internet diaries. That is 2 say, we like th good ones. I keep thinking he's gay, but it could just be because he's Canadian.

If someone were to ask me: "MZA,who is the smartest person on your so-called frenz list?"--Lj conjecture would be on th short list of people who'd spring immediately to mind. She and perhaps 3 others. And den another dozen or so contenders. But she'd def be one of th favourites. I love her writing, and I always enjoy th rare times when we RL hang out.

Cornelius (Lj autodub) recently lost his virginity @ a metal concert?!! This kid's totallyawesome, as well as Canadian. I really love Canada, because of people like him.

Jo (Lj annakey) is very kind 2 me, and very funny, and is no stranger 2 th rock, and she made me this tree elf picture. I want 2 hug her 4 all th good advice she's given me, but my arms would have 2 reach across th Atlantic. I also want 2 d00k d00k d00k it up w/ her. Why is this my natural response 2 people I like? Who knows.

+ + +

Sunday, 7:42 a.m.
For th second Sunday in a row ah'm havin' beer 4 breakfast.

Hung out last night w/ Kirsten (Lj drunkwithpines), who said she doesn't want 2 read what ah got 2 say about her. "Well, I do and I don't," she said. Ain't everything ah said so far harmless and nice? You don't wanna read how you am a warm person? Who give warm hugs and sympathetic listenings? How, when we worked together @ Borders, if any of my male frenz popped in to visit, they would invariably ask me, "Who's the hot chick?" Meaning you? How yr hyper-smarts and heart of planetary size actually sometimes make me worry about you, until ah remember thet it's GOOD 2B smart and big-hearted, even when dumb and mean rule th airwaves? How ah wish ah could give you $1,000,000 and tell you 2 go 2 Belize (wherever thet is, ah forgot) and draw comix or something for months and months? You don't wanna read any of this, so ah guess ah won't say it? Ah wish ah could give you th props that you really deserve, but this is just my Internet diary.

Hey, this one's easy. I miss Peter (Lj herrdoktor), and so does everyone else. He's a real fucking M.D., and he can draw real real good, and he writes good songs off th top of him head, and he kin make music out of anything, even one of my pointless phone posts. Peter. Where th fuck U been?

Lille (Lj hickypox) once tried 2 set me up w/ one of her hot frenz, after th 3RD or 4TH time Ivy Muhlach dumped me. I talked 2 th hot fren on th telephone once, but I think I scared her off w/ my negativity scene, and/or my hyperactivity scene, and/or my rampant homosexuality. Regardless, it was real nice of Lille 2 do that.

Adrian (Lj hiryu2015) is my only Native American friend, RL or Internet, and th world's biggest Beatles fan. We've talked about girl troubles several times, and he's a real sweet d00d. Sorry about raping yr land, bro.

Sean (Lj braudimusprime) bore th brunt of one of th most powerful NOs ever thrown down, w/o breaking a sweat.

9:16 p.m.
Korean BBQ nearly caused me to enter into a food coma, but I snapped out of it. Got business to attend to. Namely, being nice.

TS (Lj roughandtumble) ah've knowed for a good long time, and occasionally we'll drop out of contact for a while, but ah kin still sense thet she's there, somewhere. She's a person whose taste I trust implicitly, and who has intro'd me to countless movies and musics and items what have shaped who ah is today. There've even been a few times when ah ain't liked something, and TS say she like it, and ah zaid Hmm hmm well if TS like it there must be something there so let's take a closer look @ this thing ... and ended up digging it, after all. (How influential she am!) She make th prettiest web sites and th prettiest zines. Something like only 7 people in th whole world ever read my zines, but one of th reasons I'm glad I did them anyhow was I met TS.

Monday, 4:33 a.m.
Sara (Lj squarkz) has a real funny and readable diary I would like to read more of. Her uzerpics are real easy on th eyes. She is one half of a famous Lj couple and has shown real class in handling th paparazzi.

Kristin (Lj kdollarsign) sent me a v. nice John Berryman poem. Her diary is really up there in readability, too. I think she likes th Fall, because she catches stray references to them. She sounds a bit hyper on th Internet, but I don't mind that @ all.

Jenni (sp?) (Lj nursedoa) has got fine taste in crazy movies and dive bars. I hope to benefit again from this, one day. Her husband appeared in Citizen Toxie, and she lives right around th corner from Erikka (Lj betchka), who loves Lemmy, and Lemmy also starred in Citizen Toxie! None of which can really be a coincidence.

I do not understand Lj noun, but she owns probably my favourite username on here. When will people learn, usernames are important. I guess "slutbag" is a pretty good one, too.

Jude (Lj penis_hairstyle) once schooled me on th meaning of EVIL. Smart d00d, aims for clarity, gives a shit about getting @ an understanding of some sort, yuh know, not jest arguing for th sake of it. Nearly met up w/ him in NYC last week-end, but got caught up relaxing me batty in a ice cave made of foam. No, that is not a drug euphemism.

Erin (Lj piedpiper) once encouraged me to write 4 a living, and that made me FEELESPECIALLYGUD, because she writes 4 a living, and writes v. excellently. I am glad that she is getting happy and making BIG SECRET PLANS to get even more happy.

Troy (Lj uberdionysus) is my current arch-enemy, due to his luchador mask, but this does not mean that I do not like him. It's nothing personal, it's jest thet ah got a mask, and he got a mask, and one of us is gonna beat th other one silly and den unmask him. It's in th script. Anyhow, I like th cartoons he draws to kill time @ work. I like how he do them right on top of a spreadsheet or something. Let's jest say ah got a deep sympathy for these urges to communicate during on-th-clock hours.

Ding (Lj ceasetoexist) will arrange objects (paper, plastic, human, etc.) into some kind of pleasing shape, and den take a photograph of it, and den post th photograph on th Internet. These photographs are sweet. In person, she is sweet. And Chinese. Sorry, I'm running out of words here.

While all those people talked big about leaving th fucking country after th fucking election, Cassandra (Lj fuckingalfresco) actually made some fucking plans and den went ahead and actually fucking did it. Yet another example of how she has more balls (in th good way) than pretty much anyone else I know. If you're reading this, Cassandra, I'm sorry I missed yr going-away party. I'll miss yr presence in this town ... MASSIVE D.C. BRAIN-DRAIN.

Patrice (Lj automata) is a ass-kickin' bartender in Juneau, Alaska. I know that sounds like th beginning of a song, but it's jest th facts. I went to Juneau once, and it were th most beautiful place I ever zeen, but it woulda been sweeter if I'd known a ass-kickin' bartender.

Sara (Lj captaingoodass) am th patron saint of doggers (human and dog kind) looking for a home. What a nice lady w/ a nice backside.

  • 06-Feb-05 07:33 pm
    Sara B.
    It's our anniversary.

  • To: Sara B.
    What am you talkin bout

  • 06-Feb-05 07:39 pm
    Sara B.
    I met you last superbowl.

  • To: Sara B.
    Holy crap you're right happy anniversary dollface!

  • 06-Feb-05 07:42 pm
    Sara B.
    Where are my flowers?
They are imaginary.

Jeremy (Lj avoidablefate) blah blah blah blah flame blah blah blah blah but den we became frenz blah blah blah blah formed a bond over metal blah blah blah blah Canadian (what a surprise).

Lj tuffghph, I have no idea who you are. Who are you? You could've @ least had th decency to introduce yrzelf. I have no idea why we're so-called frenz. Fuck you, man, ffghphuck you. Or lady, whatever.

Ohohoho man, thet FELT GUD. YAHAHAHAHAHA

+ + +

Lj angelspawn, do you really think having idlewild on yr so-called interests list will protect you from my wrath? What a dumb name you have. I hope you have a good excuse, such as yr dad fucked a actual angel.

Lj mulletpeep, yr horns smell like ram-ass.

Lj stupidis. Next!

Lj trisloth, holy crap, Björk's Medulla, OHMYGOD we have zo much in common, such as we've both been inside yr mum, I shore hope I can convince her to have th abortion.

Lj musicwench, if you are not white, den I might not hate you.

Lj daigor0, str8 Caucasian, yr uzerinf0 d0 n0t f00l me.


+ + +

Those are people who probably don't read this, anyhow.

Tuesday, 4:16 a.m.
Lj satanismymaster writes all in Tagalog, and backed me up when I made a bratty comment to one of his frenz, thereby un-Satanically defusing a flame-bomb. Aztig.

Kellianne (Lj artemis), flesh hourglass, I worship yr rumptacular 100x100 pixel photographic representation. You writ about Delaware, once upon a time, and made it seem more alive than any Delaware I have ever known.

5:49 p.m.
Well, ah've made it in 2 work on time twice in a row, haven't ah. Yezzzzzz. It's th little improvements that turn into big improvements.

Thor (Lj kthor) will make statements such as "I am the best advice-giver" and den actually back them up. Ah dunno, ah were gonna save him for toward th end, but den we had thiz converzation a few daze ago that fit in w/ th theme. Th whole theme of EVERYTHING about love, and rockets, and MAKING FRIENDS, and hostile interfacing, and solipsism as a way of making friends.

Wednesday, 4:49 a.m.

metalhedwig (3:20:48 PM): thor, if you were to give a one-sentence explanation of why we flame, what would it be
kthorjensen (3:21:33 PM): well, it
metalhedwig (3:21:52 PM): i seem 2B missing a line there
kthorjensen (3:21:55 PM): 's a complex situation and not something i think can be generalized across people accurately
kthorjensen (3:22:03 PM): this will be more than one sentence
metalhedwig (3:22:29 PM): i used 2 think i partly did it out of love
kthorjensen (3:22:53 PM): i think people flame because they're frustrated, angry, or bored. i know that for me there is a real aspect of playfulness to it, like a child acting out, the response is what makes the flame worthwhile. i think that that kind of interaction in the real world is mostly frowned upon
metalhedwig (3:22:57 PM): because it break down a distance
kthorjensen (3:23:00 PM): i don't think there's any love in flaming
metalhedwig (3:23:22 PM): none
metalhedwig (3:23:24 PM): ?
kthorjensen (3:23:32 PM): not really, no
kthorjensen (3:23:41 PM): it's self-love if anything but that is an inaccurate term
metalhedwig (3:23:59 PM): but you're letting them come back @ you, too
metalhedwig (3:24:10 PM): it's a give and take, it's communication
kthorjensen (3:24:26 PM): i disagree, most flamewars are 1-sided
kthorjensen (3:24:38 PM): it's not communication, it's territorial pissing
metalhedwig (3:24:45 PM): yes, because 1 person is always better @ it
metalhedwig (3:25:06 PM): but, for instance, i used to flame Lj bellmer ALL TH TIME
metalhedwig (3:25:18 PM): a lot of this was b4 U got there
metalhedwig (3:25:43 PM): and he would flame back, but i was clearly better @ it [1]
metalhedwig (3:25:56 PM): and pretty soon his head would get to spinning
kthorjensen (3:26:00 PM): and what did that accomplish?
metalhedwig (3:26:07 PM): and every little thing i said could set him off
metalhedwig (3:26:32 PM): well, one day i saw someone else go after him
metalhedwig (3:26:42 PM): and it bothered me
metalhedwig (3:26:49 PM): and i came to him aid
metalhedwig (3:28:21 PM): and declared that no one should be allowed to flame Lj bellmer except 4 me
kthorjensen (3:28:30 PM): ...
metalhedwig (3:28:37 PM): and (here's th weird part) HE AGREED W/ ME
metalhedwig (3:28:43 PM): for th first time
metalhedwig (3:29:14 PM): some time after that he would even hit me up on a.i.m. and tell me about his childhood and stuff
metalhedwig (3:30:03 PM): not trying to say this case is broadly applicable
metalhedwig (3:30:59 PM): jest that zometimes i FEEL that we are communicating something, not all of us, and not all th time--but sometimes
kthorjensen (3:31:10 PM): well that was also somebody you were in an established social situation with in a way
kthorjensen (3:31:37 PM): i dunno, flaming is obvs a subject i have thought a good deal about
metalhedwig (3:32:15 PM): obviously, which is why you're a good person to talk to about it
kthorjensen (3:33:27 PM): but one of the things about it is that with the limited feedback you're getting from it is you have no idea what the real results are
metalhedwig (3:34:08 PM): they might be really upset or they might not, yes, that's clear
metalhedwig (3:35:01 PM): they might go home and get loved by their girlfriend or something
metalhedwig (3:35:26 PM): and it might be ultra-passionate, because you flamed them so hard
metalhedwig (3:35:33 PM): net good deed
metalhedwig (3:36:54 PM): den agin, they might go home and just lie in bed and stare @ th ceiling and wonder why they ain't a better person
kthorjensen (3:37:25 PM): i dunno, i think flaming is just a subset of internet communication which is a very new sociology that merits a lot more study
kthorjensen (3:37:34 PM): flaming is in no way about making anyone a better person
kthorjensen (3:37:42 PM): a flame-target is basically interchangeable
metalhedwig (3:38:31 PM): no i didn't mean th intention is to make th other person better
kthorjensen (3:38:37 PM): i am curious to see how people who are kids now are going to relate to each other in the future
kthorjensen (3:38:47 PM): with growing up with this sort of flat emotionality
kthorjensen (3:38:55 PM): internet is v. much like high school
metalhedwig (3:39:02 PM): just that you don't know--like that dude Lj twitchywrote
metalhedwig (3:39:16 PM): he was clearly upset @ having been rejected by FYC
kthorjensen (3:39:37 PM): but it weren't the flames that upset him
metalhedwig (3:39:38 PM): and he went and he actually THOUGHT about it
kthorjensen (3:39:43 PM): it was the rejection
kthorjensen (3:39:49 PM): two very different things
metalhedwig (3:41:01 PM): FYC might not be th purest example
kthorjensen (3:41:30 PM): did you read that article erikka linked to in yr LJ?
metalhedwig (3:41:45 PM): because we're explicity set up for th flame, it's institutionalized
kthorjensen (3:42:04 PM): well, sure, and that's why flaming in the fyc is less of an issue for me
metalhedwig (3:42:10 PM): i read th first few paragraphs of it, haven't got around 2 readin th whole thing
kthorjensen (3:42:11 PM): because those are the laws of the land
kthorjensen (3:42:16 PM): read the whole thing
metalhedwig (3:43:05 PM): i guess i don't go around flaming a lot outside of Th Rules
metalhedwig (3:43:14 PM): of th comms [2]
kthorjensen (3:43:42 PM): well, the usual deal with flaming is that one person (the aggressor) has a different view of what is acceptable than the other
kthorjensen (3:43:48 PM): and it either escalates or ends
kthorjensen (3:45:23 PM): but the level of mutuality is varying
kthorjensen (3:45:37 PM): alzo i don't think we really have a word for what we're doing online
kthorjensen (3:45:42 PM): it's not conversing per se
metalhedwig (3:46:12 PM): no, especially when we have th exclusive option of ending th conv @ any time [3]
kthorjensen (3:46:41 PM): indeed
metalhedwig (3:46:50 PM): i coming close to concluding that i have not really flamed, in flaming's purest form
kthorjensen (3:46:58 PM): how so?
metalhedwig (3:46:58 PM): [i'm]
metalhedwig (3:47:28 PM): it's all been in rating comms, pretty much
kthorjensen (3:47:57 PM): and?
metalhedwig (3:48:02 PM): where special rules are in play, and where, esp. in FYC, we're not really anonymous
kthorjensen (3:48:23 PM): hmm
kthorjensen (3:48:34 PM): anonymity is layered, obviously
metalhedwig (3:48:42 PM): right
kthorjensen (3:49:09 PM): but i have signed my name to everything i've done (flaming wise), does that make it better? worse?
metalhedwig (3:49:35 PM): well and this ain't th case 4 everyone, but def for me and eran and you, we are traceable
kthorjensen (3:49:50 PM): well, sure, but why does that matter?
kthorjensen (3:50:01 PM): i am less interested in the other person (th flamee's) actions
metalhedwig (3:51:26 PM): well it's slightly diff for me anyhow, than if i were to comment anonymously on some bulletin board somewhere
kthorjensen (3:51:47 PM): but i don't see why that's a factor at all
kthorjensen (3:51:59 PM): you're saying it, no matter whether you sign it or not
kthorjensen (3:52:03 PM): so why?
metalhedwig (3:53:14 PM): well in RL interfacing, i don't say stuff that i say in FYC
kthorjensen (3:53:26 PM): I wouldn't think anybody does
metalhedwig (3:53:41 PM): and even in Lj interfacing outside of FYC i don't say stuff like that as often
kthorjensen (3:54:00 PM): do you think you'll ever quit FYC?
kthorjensen (3:54:07 PM): you are pretty mild there, comparatively
metalhedwig (3:54:39 PM): i guess i'm saying it's a persona, a put-on
kthorjensen (3:54:53 PM): but masks are molded from faces
photograph taken by Ding (Lj ceasetoexist), 1 Jan 2004
metalhedwig (3:55:16 PM): and outside of th comms my mask am a bit closer to my face
kthorjensen (3:55:50 PM): well, sure, but it's the same person behind everything
kthorjensen (3:55:57 PM): you can't distance yourself that easily
metalhedwig (3:56:08 PM): and if i were completely anon on some bulletin board, there would be no reason for me to ...
metalhedwig (3:56:18 PM): ... be myself, i guess
kthorjensen (3:56:46 PM): you can't not be yourself
kthorjensen (3:57:49 PM): this is all coming from you, whether anonymous or not, whether a "persona" or not, at the end of the day all the fucked up shit still came out of your (or my) mouth
metalhedwig (3:57:53 PM): oh, yes, this flaming stuff def come from SOMEWHERE ah ain't trying to deny it
metalhedwig (3:58:48 PM): it's just that it's a weird somewhere if it only come out on th Internet
kthorjensen (3:58:49 PM): i mean, i do it because i'm insecure in my opinions and i want to be respected for my verbal and imaginative skill and don't really care if somebody gets hurt in the process too much
metalhedwig (3:59:09 PM): it's like it's a cyborg or something
kthorjensen (3:59:16 PM): no, it's not that weird
kthorjensen (3:59:24 PM): this is an observable phenomenon the world over
kthorjensen (3:59:39 PM): it is something the internet has created and has not been analyzed or understood yet
kthorjensen (4:00:49 PM): people are carrying a lot of tension and anger and some people think the best way to relieve that is to attempt to transfer it to others
metalhedwig (4:01:27 PM): i don't sense deep down that even my most violent flaming is from deep-seated emotions
kthorjensen (4:01:50 PM): well, like i said above there's an element of play in it as well
kthorjensen (4:02:03 PM): but don't discount the emotional responses that got you to that point
metalhedwig (4:02:06 PM): i like to win, yeah
kthorjensen (4:02:15 PM): even if they are not visible at first
kthorjensen (4:02:21 PM): why do you feel the like to win?
metalhedwig (4:03:17 PM): it's a demonstration of quickness of mind under pressure, it's a self-test
metalhedwig (4:04:33 PM): it's weird (i have 2 find a diff word than weird) that sometimes i'll say something silly and insulting and have other people pat me on th back 4 it
kthorjensen (4:04:38 PM): but what is the pressure? you have all day to respond
kthorjensen (4:04:43 PM): yes, it is weird
kthorjensen (4:04:55 PM): do you get enough pats on the back for other things, do you think?
metalhedwig (4:05:37 PM): no, if you know th person is on th other end and waiting for a rejoinder, you gotta do it quick
kthorjensen (4:05:47 PM): but you don't know that
metalhedwig (4:06:00 PM): you do if they is responding right then
metalhedwig (4:06:45 PM): i don't like to think for too long about something witty to say
metalhedwig (4:06:53 PM): it zeem like cheating
kthorjensen (4:06:59 PM): do you think at all? or do you just type?
metalhedwig (4:07:15 PM): that's why i zay it am a self-test
kthorjensen (4:07:28 PM): see i think that's a rationalization
metalhedwig (4:07:30 PM): 'cos only i know how much time i took to think of zomezing
kthorjensen (4:07:47 PM): why do you feel you need to test yourself?
metalhedwig (4:08:21 PM): keep th tools sharp, ah dunno
kthorjensen (4:08:34 PM): hrmmmmm
kthorjensen (4:08:54 PM): mario, when do you feel appreciated?
metalhedwig (4:09:09 PM): i like th pats on th back, too, ah reckon, so do you
kthorjensen (4:09:47 PM): i'm not saying i don't
metalhedwig (4:09:47 PM): hmm hmm
kthorjensen (4:09:53 PM): but when do you feel appreciated?
metalhedwig (4:10:22 PM): i don't know
metalhedwig (4:11:23 PM): i guess when people beside my mum say i'm gr8 HAHA
kthorjensen (4:11:29 PM): do you feel appreciated at work?
metalhedwig (4:11:30 PM): [besides]
metalhedwig (4:11:50 PM): when i make bill laugh
metalhedwig (4:11:59 PM): (he share a office w/ me)
kthorjensen (4:12:40 PM): so you feel appreciated when your humor is rewarded
metalhedwig (4:13:26 PM): no matter how well i do @ work, no matter how much anyone say "thank you" or "good job" that doesn't count as appreciation
kthorjensen (4:13:42 PM): why not? is it because you don't value the work you do at work?
kthorjensen (4:15:17 PM): (errands, back in 15 or so)
metalhedwig (4:15:32 PM): v. good tee tee why ellz [4]

And so den yesterday I go 2 axe Thor's permission 2 USE this 1-on-1 transmission, and he says, "Of course" and adds that everything he write on th Internet am public domain, anyhow, unless otherwise noted. It occurred to me that d00d must be accustomed 2 being quoted and cited and talked about--must be accustomed to being, in general, a PUBLIC person, in some way, w/ some kind of audience. But is not all in yr face about it. But you kin jest tell, w/ some people. And w/ some people, it's because they're attention johns, drama mamas, basket cases, and crying babies. But w/ Thor, it's jest because he'm a actual interesting person, someone other people want to keep track of. He created probably my favourite 24-hour comix story o.a.t. His web site contains n.o.t.o.r.i.o.u.s. and h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s. pranks. I could list a lot of other renaissance-manly things, but that's not what this is for. This is for saying that I like you, in spite of you ridiculous amount of God-given (or whoever, whatever) gifts. You are my friend. A compliment from U have a lot of weight in my neighbourhood. That's all for now, aso.

Thursday, 6:19 a.m.
Leah (Lj __lear) appears 2B yet another photogenic, fun-loving, and pottymouthed lady I must never talk to because people will say, "MZA why do you talk exclusively to girls who are double-digits younger than you?"--and den I will have to say, "NO I DO NOT WHATEVER I TALK 2 EVERYONE OK SO GET BEAKED ALL RIGHT!?"--and that would be breaking th nice spell. Anyhow, jest because she sign everything "love, Leah" do not mean she am a loving girl named Leah. She could be a hateful 39-year-old man named Leah. You don't ever really know, w/ th Internet.

Brian (Lj antitype) writes nicely on various obscura that I like and various obscura that I should probably check out right this instant. Obscura probably means something else other than what I meant there, and is probably not even a noun. He does not like Tool's last album, but a lot of perfectly sane people do not.

Lj aparecida advised me on which one was Butthead and which one was Beavis, for I did not know. There'm A LOT more to her than this, such as she am a bright medical school student and former nude dancer, but I gotta go w/ what I know.

Lj atomikai iz frenz w/ all my Filipino friends. From this we kin extrapolate thet she have good taste in Filipinos, and thet she am in th blessed 6%. Did you know that 94% of Filipino-American girls are complete twats? Now you knowed.

Friday, 8:33 a.m.
My hair looks great BUT ah shouldn't go2work like this. When ah lose it all (which should be any day now), ah guess ah will miss its decisions (hair brain HA HA HA) 2 stick up @ unpredictable angles.

Last spring, Marc (Lj warrenjabali) showed me footage of th cicadas he'd shot and edited together using his new fancy Christ-humping digital vid toy. These insects had been bugging (haha) everyone for weeks, screaming in ecstasy (or whatever) and squishing meatily underfoot, but through Marc's lens they were quietly majestic, and sad, and weirdly human. I was about 2 get a bit choked up, but den zomeone zaid, "Oh, they're soo cute!" No, they are not cute. Marc's a real easy guy to talk to, I enjoy every time we do, and it really should happen more than it do, esp. since he lives less than a football field away from me. He have ears of great discernment, and expertly translate th information from his ears 2 his pen.

Saturday, 10:33 a.m.
Went to a crappy sports bar in Gaithersburg, MD, last night, to watch my cousin's ex-girlf's band play. It was ESPN Zone for uglier people. A coked-out, elfin lesbian who was apparently aping th look of th butch one from Le Tigre kept bumping into me w/ her bad dancing, and yelling "Motherfucker!" in a accent I couldn't place. I wanted to give her a piledriver, to knock her out for th night.

"So, where are you from?"
"I'm from Paraguay. Paraguay, motherfucker!"

I wanted to lift her 98-lb frame above my head w/ one hand, throw her over th top rope, and den follow w/ th folding chair. There was a fully-accessorized punk rock kid there, too--studded leather jacket, faux-hawk, plaid slacks tucked into boots--skanking (skanking!) up front. I fell asleep briefly on a couch as th third band played, and awoke to th punk rock kid sloppily groping and making out w/ a girl right next to me. I wanted to
Zzzt zzzt, asshole!
shock 'em both w/ a taser. It is a constant challenge to control th meanness inside my head.

Sunday, 9:49 a.m.
Got drunk and fell down and nearly fell on top of th birthday boy's laptop. For th rest of th time, ah crouched down, so thet ah couldn't fall very far. Crouching, a throwback to th rice-picking days.

Rebecca (Lj effluvia) deleted herzelf and den undeleted herzelf. I was pleased and relieved by th latter, and advised her that moderation was th secret to enjoying th Internet WOO HOO HAW HAW.

When I first met Andrew (Lj horty_pie), th first thing he said to me was, "You don't seem that hyper." In truth, he am a lot more hyper than I, in th good way. He and him wife are th ONLY people in th whole world whom ah kin forgive for hating David Foster Wallace. I wish they hadn't moved away, I don't really like when people move away from my town.

Lj niggerkojak made what is probably my most favourite single list of overs, on 33_overs. Funny man, champion bullshitter (in th good way). I sort of jest blew his cover by linking to thet, but who cares. He kin probably bullshit his way out of ANYTHING.

Lj old_boy's a man behind th scenes in Hollywood, and I always picture him fighting evil, keeping me and other movie fans safe from harm.

Lj charlie_danger claims 2B th oldest (in age) member of fuckyoucrew. He's sort of a one-issue voter, like me: "Does ♥ it ♥ rock ♥ or not?" \m/

Monday, 14 Feb 2005, 7:49 a.m.
Th name of th new Idlewild single is "Love Steals Us from Loneliness". Woomble, old boy, congratulations on yet another brilliantly, flamingly gay title. I haven't ♥ heard it yet.

Trevor (Lj trevitron) remind me a bit of me, somehow, which am mostly good, because ah mostly like myzelf, ah guess. Wait, no, asdfjdsfl;k ... Trevor (Lj trevitron) remind me of th good parts of me, which ah reckon there gotta be some, mebbe 2 or 3, although they ain't come readily to mjasdfkjsdfjfdsas;df ... Trevor (Lj trevitron) am 20 years old and one of them bright dogs, clear-thinking and capable of being dead serious (in th good way). He ask tough questions and answer them in th same breath, but still am really asking. We'm CONNOISSEURS of th ART of self-deprecation, ain't thet right, aso.

Karli (Lj tasteetriceps) is ultra-tenacious and thorough in an argument: when I finally get in trouble 4 whatever it is I'm going 2 get in trouble 4, I want her on th defense team. Won by a landslide, in 33_overs. Zent me a gorgeous postcard once: has prettiest handwriting ah ever zeen, U should get her 2 zend U1.

+ + +

Let us go backwards in time w/ my old fren Hector (Lj mittenstein), my third-oldest Internet fren. Did U know thet Hector am a gay catcher? I did not know, @ first, either, although th clues were there, all along.

All preemptive homophilia aside, I really do think Hector'z gr8, and he'm def one of th people I've not met that I most want 2 meet. His mind'z like a steel trap, ah kin make th call-and-response commentary w/ him all day w/o getting bored, him Internet diary'z obviously one of th most enjoyable. Our numerous Internet verbal fuckfests inspired Lj howard_cosell 2 coin a term 4 th liquid evidence we leave on th sheets: Hectorum. Dizguzting, eh? Lj mittenstein, U R almost singlehandedly responsible 4 my interest in good beer. Thank you. Let's do it soon. Drink 2gether, thet iz.

+ + +

Tuesday, 15 Feb 2004, 2:33 p.m.
Hey d00d could ah ask you a question. Do you think Meredith (Lj redpainter) LIKE likes me. I mean what do you think. She told me to come up 2 Canada, and wear my wrestling mask, and hump her leg. Like a dog! Do you think she's trying to tell me something. She dig Idlewild, too. What if I zent her a picture of me wearing a Idlewild t-shirt and th wrestling mask? Do you think that would make her LIKE like me? She shore am a dangerous northern seductress. Did you see that thing where she totally defeated Hector (Lj mittenstein) in th douchetruck-creation competition? Does that sentence even make sense on this planet? Ah dunno, d00d, there are many rad Canadians in my so-called life right now. Mebbe it really iz an enchanted land.

9:42 p.m.

1. Sorry, Lj bellmer, if you're reading this, ah was jest trying to speak th truth.

2. Rating communities: communities on el jay in which you define th criteria by which to reject me, such that there is no way in Hell I will win, and I somehow agree to go along w/ it.

3. Ban_setting: a practice by which you tell me to sit down and shut up while you rant @ me, or call me names, or describe th minutiae of yr day in excruciating detail, and I have no choice but to obey.

4. "Talk to you later": it did not happen that day, which was sort of a relief, as we were edging toward talking about some serious weak spots of mine.
Tags: friendship
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